You Shall Not Pass!

Mathew 18:3 And he said, Truly I say to you, Unless you change and become like a little child, you shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. 4 Whoever therefore will humble himself like a little child, shall be great in the kingdom of heaven. 5 And he who will welcome one like this little child, in my name, welcomes me. 6 And whoever misleads one of these little ones that believes in me, it would be better for him that an ass’ millstone were hanged on his neck and he were sunk in the depths of the sea.7 Woe to the world because of offences! Offences are bound to come; but woe to the man by whose hand the offences come! 8 If your hand or your foot offends you, cut it off and throw it away from you; for it is much better for you to go through life lamed or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet, and fall into the everlasting fire. 9 And if your eye offends you, remove it and throw it away from you; it is better for you to go through life with one eye, rather than having two eyes and fall into the gehenna of fire. 10 See to it that you do not despise one of these little ones; for I say to you, their angels always see the face of my Father in heaven. Lamsa Bible

Why am I quoting Bible scriptures, you may be asking. It is quite unusual for me to do so. But when something is applicable, it is just applicable. It is Mother’s Day and you would think I would be writing about something having to do with mothers. Well I am, sort of. After all, I am a mother. I love my children and I love all children. I cannot love children the way and I do and not hate the actions that hurt children. Today I am Durga the Hindu Goddess who rips the heads off of the demons who would harm her children. Or Kali, the other Hindu Goddess who is also known for her fierceness in the protection of her children. What this represents is the Mother flame. The fierceness of the Divine Mother, who is also God, who says, ” you will not hurt these little ones and get away with it! You will not torture them and murder their souls and get away with it!” This was not intended to be a pro-life post, but I suppose it is. For it is a perversion of the flame of the Divine Mother for a woman to murder her own child in the womb. What this post is really about is the abuse of children in general but most especially, rape, molestation, torture, child prostitution and trafficking in children.

On this planet it is the most vile thing a human being can do, to harm a child, by raping their little bodies. It sickens me and breaks my heart into, every single time I hear about it. It must be how the Mothers in heaven feel when they see this happening on earth to the little ones, only magnified to a point that we cannot conceive. I know not everyone who reads this will understand. I know not all of my friends believe in God. But I also know that many of you will understand where I am coming from because of personal experience one way or another. Some have personally felt the pain of rape or torture. Some have known others who were harmed in this way and many have not ever completely healed from this. Let me just say this: YOU WHO DO THIS HORRIBLE THING TO CHILDREN SHALL NOT PASS! YOU WHO RAPE YOUR OWN CHILDREN SHALL NOT PASS! YOU WHO HARBOR CHILD MOLESTERS WILL ALSO KNOW THE ERROR OF YOUR WAYS WHEN YOU PASS FROM THIS LIFE! YOU WHO TRAFFIC IN CHILDREN AND WOMEN, OR ANYONE FOR THAT MATTER, SHALL NOT PASS! I say this with the FURY of the Divine Mother Durga. For I, as a mother, represent Durga in the earth! You may call me crazy or you may call me mad, but just do not call me too late to save a child! I hate the evil of child abuse so much, it is like an ever increasing burning in my heart. It is not a hate of souls, no not even of those who perform these heinous crimes against children. FOR TRULY YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Kali

So why do I quote Jesus? I quote Jesus to get to those of you, who call yourselves Christians, yet harbor the likes of child abusers and those who would rape even their own children. I may lose friends over this, but I really don’t care. I love my family, I truly care for each and every one of you. But I will not have anything to do with disgusting people who rape and molest their own children. God forgive them, but they certainly do know what they do is wrong. They may not realize how bad what they do affects their victims, but I tell you that at the moment they pass from the screen of this life, I know they will experience a 360 degree life review and they will feel the pain of every single child or person they have ever harmed. I do not judge them. They will judge themselves. I am also a strong believer in karma and reincarnation, and I tell you this, you will not just be able to ask Jesus to wipe away your crimes against children because it does not work that way! You will pay for your crimes. Oh yes, God is a just God and you will pay. As Jesus said, it must be that offences come, but whoa to those through whom the offence comes. It will be a sad day for you too. I will weep for you too in your karmic days for I have compassion. Forgiveness does not mean that we have to continue to be in the presence of those whom we know will not change. Not because they cannot, but because they are narcissists and they care only for their own pleasure. This is a sickness of their soul and they need to cleanse themselves, but they may not do so until they have suffered enough, unfortunately for them!

The bottom line here is this. I will not be friends and be polite to child molesters, no matter who they are. Do not try to friend me and think I should “forgive” you and move on because we might be related in some way. I am compassionate and have a lot of love in my heart and as I said I am not your judge. One day you will feel the pangs of your own judgment upon your own head and I will weep with you.

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Prayers From Childhood

I was recalling some well known prayers that I often said during childhood. I did not always say my prayers but I do remember sometimes saying a few. My family came from a “fundamentalist” Christian background, the matriarch of my family being my grandmother. I might add she was a Pentecostal. As a result of course, I was taught some simple Christian prayers as a child. While I was contemplating these memories, a particular prayer came to mind.

I remember consciously changing to a “better” form of the bedtime prayer when I taught it to my own children . I decided I didn’t like the version I was taught as a child. I felt uncomfortable with the words, but beyond that I did not give it much thought. Then today I found myself pondering some of the prayers that I said, and this very one came to mind.

“Now I lay me down to sleep
” I pray the Lord my soul to keep
“If I should die before I wake
” I pray the Lord my soul to take.”

I am well aware that many religious people teach their children to fear God. My family was no exception. If you didn’t believe in God and accept Jesus as your personal savior you would end up, “in the hot place,” to coin a phrase. Instilling fear of a Biblical hell in children has been commonplace in western societies and I have come to reject this as a bad idea. I believe the version of the bedtime prayer I learned was one of those sneaky underhanded ways to instill fear of doing bad or disobeying God, in children. The message my thinking, conscious mind gets from these word is; “You’d better be good or you’ll die and God will let the other guy take you”. Yikes!

This thought process took me back to an early childhood memory. I was about nine, perhaps ten years old. My family lived in a third floor apartment in my hometown of Chicago, IL. During this time I was also subjected to some repetitive nightmares. The nightmares I had quite often consisted of being chased around my neighborhood by vampires. I always got away and I eventually learned how to distinguish the nightmares from reality and to wake myself up. Speaking of prayers, and specifically effectives prayers, I wish I had known some demon smashing prayers at the time! But I digress. Anyway, one night after everyone in the house had fallen asleep I was still lying in my bed wide awake. I don’t remember why I was having trouble sleeping, but the longer I was awake the scarier my thoughts became until a mind worm developed around the idea that if I fell asleep I would die and never wake up. I can tell you, it was terrifying! I must have laid awake all night or almost all night. I even went and got into the bed with my mother and step father but still could not go to sleep. I don’t remember all of the dark places my mind took me that scary night but fortunately I think sheer exhaustion finally pushed me off into a dreamless sleep. By the grace of God I don’t remember dreaming of being chased by vampires that night.
Beyond this one scary night I never had this happen again. I’m not sure why, perhaps grace and the angels comforted me once I finally fell asleep that terrifying night. Still this memory stayed with me, maybe as a reminder that when I taught my children their bedtime prayers it went like this;

“Now I lay me down to sleep
“I pray the Lord my soul to keep
” May angels guard me through the night
“And wake me with the morning light
“Amen”

Sleep tight beautiful little children of the world. Your Heavenly Father and Mother love you. Goodnight.

Goodbye Father

Today the first person who abused me died. He left a legacy of shattered lives and broken hearts in his wake. Some of these broken hearts are grieving for him. I find this difficult to understand, for I do not grieve for losing him. Rather I grieve for what I never had. He could have been a good son, father and husband. Instead he was a depraved sex addict and mean man who used his life to beat, torture, rape and molest those who looked to him for love, protection and sustenance. In this life there was no justice for his victims. He spent a few months in jail for molesting and raping two of his daughters, then was back home again where he could continue his reign of terror and pass it on to the next generation, his own grandchildren.

Those who loved him were never really loved by him. Well I don’t believe he did love them.¬† You see I believe a narcissistic abuser never really loves those who seek his affections. In his eyes they only exist in his world to serve his needs no matter how selfish or depraved his so-called needs may be. If someone really loves, can he do these things to those he claims to love? Because if you suffered to satiate¬† his desires he really did not care. And if you dared to challenge him or failed to fulfill his wishes and demands to exact standards, God help you. He would yell, scream and cuss you and if you were very lucky that is all he would do. Once he got out his belt or other weapon of choice, you had better buckle down and take the punishment you so rightly deserved for daring to do anything against his will, whether you knew better or not.

Today, I ponder why I feel sadness. In truth I do not grieve for the monster, the madman who cruelly harmed so many. I grieve for those who grieve for him. I feel compassion for their pain and sadness for their sadness. I empathize with them for I know their hurts. I know their minds and hearts are bruised and some of these bruises have not healed and for some they may never heal. At least not in this life. I grieve for a father who wasn’t a father. I grieve because I never had a real father.

I said a prayer for the soul of the man who was instrumental in giving me life and bringing me into this world. Yes, I am grateful that I was given life, even grateful to him for being a part of bringing me forth into it.

Thank you for life. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to learn what love isn’t for thereby I am closer to knowing what love is. Thank you for my brothers and sisters for I truly love them even though you really didn’t. I forgave you long ago for the pain you inflicted on us and I no longer suffer. Now I will spend days and hours of my life working to help them and others to get over what you and others like you have done to harm so many.

May God have mercy on your soul. Goodbye father.

Love,
Your firstborn